You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
