Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
