i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
