Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
