he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
