I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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