Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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