i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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