no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Panties = found
Randomize
