I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
