How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
