STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
