I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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