Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
