literally had 100 drinks last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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