Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
