if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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