I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
