Will you blow on my dice?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
