Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
