I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
