There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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