I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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