Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
