I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
