Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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