He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
