Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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