I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do herpes really smell.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
