i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
