Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
