I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
