She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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