Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
