when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
