You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He felt like a one man threesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
