Sponge bath it is.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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