I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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