"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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