Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize