I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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