Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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