she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
