is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
