I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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