I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
