I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
