just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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