Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
