whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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