Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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