bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
