what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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