I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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