then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Couch. On fire.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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