I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if only i could text you this smell
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
