I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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