so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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