you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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