I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
