You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
