You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize