I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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