I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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