He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need a beard to bite.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
