Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
