i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
